ifbychanceyouunderstand

Connecting the dots is tricky.

When I was young, I remember drawing a line from one dot to the other.

It was simple.

Now, I get my lines mixed up but I’m not sure why.

Can you help me?

Please tell me there is some reason for this.

That I am not the pariah of the family.

There has to be some reason to explain the nonsense.

There must be something.

I don’t want to be the only one.

Or the one who passes it on.

Today, I painted my front door yellow.  It is Spring.

I love color.  That is what I see in the world when I feel good.  Not happy, just good.

People think it’s strange.  They don’t see the world the way I do.

It’s not to me.  It makes sense.

They don’t see gray when I do, much less understand that gray means sad.

That no sunshine equals gray.  Maybe even with sunshine.

I just try to hold on until the gray is gone.

And, then I paint my door yellow.

I listen as best I can.

I don’t remember the details and things get mixed up.

When that happens, it makes my heart beat fast and I feel afraid.

No, not afraid just…

I can’t describe it.

Like I am inferior. Like I am different from everyone else.

Am i literally losing my mind?

Does everyone remember everything?